When somebody close to you passes away, you go through a normal healing process called grieving. This is your body’s natural response to the loss of a loved one. Grief allows you to prepare emotionally for the journey ahead and at times, to experience your pain in stages.

Grief may not only come with the loss of a loved one—patients and their families can experience grief throughout the stages of the person’s illness, such as when they lose independence or become less active.

It is important to remember that everyone is different and will heal at a different pace. Sharing your feelings with others will help you to overcome your feelings and access support from those close to you.

Most people find that over time, their feelings become less intense. Do not be afraid to talk about your loved one with your friends and family, discussing memories and feelings can help you during the grieving process.

Symptoms of grief¹

People express grief in different ways. However, there are symptoms of grief which most people express, at different points through their journey.

Some common symptoms of grief include:

Crying
Sadness
Feeling weak or fatigued
Lacking energy or feeling exhausted
Loss of appetite
Eating too much
Trouble sleeping
Feeling aches and pains
Self-destructive activities
Being overly active
Pushing emotions away
Social isolation
Spiritual questioning

The grieving process

The process of grieving is a very individual and personal time and may last for a while. However, it won’t always be so intense. The reality of your loss may not set in right away, it may come in different stages.

Milestones may be emotional and be especially difficult to cope with, such as birthdays and special occasions. You may experience a range of difficult emotions, and struggle physically, socially, or spiritually. These are normal reactions and a natural response to loss. It is always important to remember that time will help to lessen the intensity of your feelings, and often the first milestone is the hardest.

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You will reach a point where you can begin to accept the situation and continue to live your life. It won’t happen straight away, but you’ll begin to feel better as you move forward.

Honour the memory of your loved one by carrying on and living life to the fullest
Find ways to remember - you will get to a place where you can find comfort and look back on fond memories in a positive and healthy way

While there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are some suggestions that may help you cope with grief:

Give yourself time to grieve and heal from your loss. Avoid ignoring your feelings. They are an important part of overcoming grief
Crying can provide a release. Don’t be afraid to cry; it is important to express your emotions
Try to eat a healthy diet and take time to rest. Losing a loved one can take a huge toll on you and your body. Rest and a healthy diet will help you to regain your physical and mental wellbeing
Avoid developing habits that can be damaging to your healing. Limit the use of alcohol, tranquilisers, sleeping pills, and other mood-changing medications

Many people find comfort in sharing their feelings openly or writing down how they are feeling

Talk to your friends and family. Those closest to you are there to help
Talk to a healthcare professional. They will be able to help you to manage your physical and mental wellbeing
Grief counseling can help people struggling to deal with grief
Seek professional help. A healthcare professional will be able to direct you to therapists who can help you deal with the healing process

Most people will begin to overcome grief in their own time. However, if you are struggling for a long time and feel like things are not going to get better, speak to your healthcare professional. They will be able to direct you towards resources which can help.

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Try to remind yourself of the things, people and memories you still have in your life that are good and meaningful. Taking stock of the various parts of your life that you can feel truly grateful for can help you refocus your mind on what you have, rather than dwelling on what you have lost

Finding support

If you are struggling, some hospices offer bereavement services, and local charities often have support lines and groups available to help you through the grieving process. For example, Cruse (UK), GriefLine (Australia) and Mental Health America (USA) can offer support to people who are grieving for the loss of a loved one.

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Your wellbeing

Carers have a demanding role, but support and resources are available to help you

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Many people who have lost a loved one find speaking to others in a carer support group setting helpful when coping with their loss. These carer support groups offer an opportunity to share feelings and experiences, so you do not go through the grieving process alone.

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